I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
