Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
