just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
