Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
