You're completely useless in the revolution.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
