You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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