did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
