i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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