i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
