they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
last night I used snow as a chaser
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