There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
nutella sex= disaster
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
