That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
