I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
