hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We are two peas in an std pod
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
