She's JV to your varsity
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
