I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
you had me at cake vodka
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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