im having a threesome with these popsicles
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
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