distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
