Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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