Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
