I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
