I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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