I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
