1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
