So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
