I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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