dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
