Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
