he wants to bone in the snuggie
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
