I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
