pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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