my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
