Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
