dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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