Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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