Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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