So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
