we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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