he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
