It's a beautiful day for a hangover
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
