I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
