My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i wish my penis had a tongue
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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