Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
