the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
