he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
NoShamevember. You game?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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