I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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