I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
