Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
