I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
