You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
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