May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Alive.
So much puke
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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