By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
