My nipple is on Facebook.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
