I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
