i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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