listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
third nipple confirmed
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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