this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
