The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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