You just made me feel so damn special
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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